Stupid pills
by weirdest1
Summary: Tsunade leaves for the week and Naruto magicaly acquires some Stupid pills and wrecks havoc among Konoha...Who will be next?...On to Number 4!
1. Tsunade leaves

Okay I was sitting at my computer trying to write the second chapter of Drunkin nights in Konoha and this just formed in my mind so I typed

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"Okay I'm going to Suna for a week so I'm counting on you guys to keep Naruto in line. I don't want to come back to find the town destroyed" Tsunade said as she gathered her things from her desk. "We'll try but you never know we might have to sedate him……" Kakashi joked "Yeah it would be just like him to buy something featured in a magazine that would make us all dumb and then slip it in our drinks…"said Jiraya

They all laughed think how ridiculous that would be……

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Naruto was waiting patiently at his mail box. His package still hadn't arrived yet. Ever since he saw them featured in one of Konohamaru's "Prankster Weekly" magazines he wanted to know if they actually worked. "Stupid pills" guaranteed to make anyone who takes the pill act totally stupid for a day. He wanted to try them on Sasuke soooooo bad. He laughed to himself as a guy with a large mail bag walked up. "Naruto guess what" the man said reaching in his bag "IT'S HERE!" he said as he took the plain white package from the man and rushed inside……

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Once inside Naruto furiously tore the wrapping paper off the package to expose a clear vial with 7 pills inside and a piece of paper. The paper read.

**Directions:** Apply to any form of liquid and watch as the drinker becomes incredibly stupid for 24 hours

**Warning:** DO NOT GIVE TO the criminally insane, animals, and already stupid people. There is a risk of dependency and if you swallow the whole vial there is no hope, you will be incredibly stupid for the rest of your life... SO DON'T DO IT!

After reading the paper (and promptly throwing it out) Naruto looked a the vial with glee...Oh how he was going to have fun...

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A/n OMG I think this is the only Fic I've written That Gaara is not the main character... read review and flames will be used to roast my younger brother alive MUWAHAWHAWHAW! 


	2. First victim LEE

_Italics_ naruto thoughts (if you didn't know)

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Clutching the vial Naruto walked down the street looking for the perfect victim. Suddenly his stomach rumbled. _Well don't want to make people stupid on an empty stomach_ he thought to himself. Sadly Lee thought the same thing (well except for the stupid people thing) and they both walked into Naruto's favorite ramen shop………….

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"Hi Naruto" Lee said as he sat beside him and ordered some ramen. (Naruto: It may be a ramen shop but you know they do sell other food…. Me: SHUT UPAND EAT YOUR RAMEN!)_ Perfect… _"Lee can I buy you some tea" "Umm sure…" Naruto ordered the tea and with a fancy sorta card trick he learned from Jiraya slipped the pill inside. "Here you go" Lee took a big sip "This tea tastes kinda funny…." _Hmm then box said instantly maybe these pills are a fluke… _"Naruto I never knew you like the color orange!" lee said surprised as he jumped out of his chair "I'm going to go pledge my undying love to Sakura!" he exclaimed as he ran out of the bar and straight into a pole._ Wow these things do work _Naruto thought to himself as he raced after Lee

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A/N I'm sorry it's soooooo short I'm writing a super long chapter on what happens to Lee so just sit tight an wait...

AlsoI would like to know whoYOU would like naruto to make stupid next (besides sakura and sasuke I'm saving them for last)


	3. when the Squirrels attack

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"Hmm I wonder where Sakura is" Lee thought out loud as Naruto huffed and puffed trying to keep up with the stupid version of lee. "Maybe she's at the park" lee said as he took of again almost running into a Large lady. "Excuse him he's mentally deranged" Naruto said to the lady as he took of running again. _Man he never stops_ he thought to himself, but, Naruto was wrong because when Lee saw the big oak tree in the middle of the park he had this wild urge to TALK to the SQUIRRLES.

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Lee ran up to the big tree and hugged it. "Hi squirrel buddies! How are you today?" he asked a large squirrel. The squirrel just stared at him like he was an idiot. "Wow getting a lot of work done?" Now all the squirrels had gathered around lee and were chattering furiously. "Naruto… they say orange is not your color" lee said turning around to see Naruto looking like he was about to have a seizure.

"Naruto what's wrong?" lee asked running over to him. "Nothing' he answered trying to suppress his laughter. Suddenly all the squirrels come running over to lee and all together threw acorns at him. Naruto couldn't stand it anymore he burst out laughing. 'But I thought you were my friends!" lee yelled as all the squirrels ran back to the tree. Naruto was now rolling on the ground. "Wow is this a new dance craze "lee asked Naruto as he started rolling on the ground too. "Lee stop! I can't laugh any harder or I'll explode." Naruto said clutching his stomach. "Okey dokey!" lee said promptly stopping.

"Hmm what should we do now?" lee asked Naruto clearly oblivious of what he came to do. 'Sakura….." Naruto said as lee jumped up, pumping his fist in the air. 'YES! I must pledge my undying lover for her before the day ends" and with that he took off running. _He's going to wear me out _Naruto thought as he took off running after lee.

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A/n I'M SOOOOOO SORRY IT'S SOOOO SHORT!I just couldn't write anymore... CURSE MY SHORT ATTENTION SPAN!

Lee: Why did you have to make me stupid first?

Kell: I'm sorry my friend suggested you be first and I thought it was good idea...

Lee: But you made me look like a moron

Kell: Well that was fun... but your supposed to be stupid in this chapter...

Lee: your soo... hurtful

Kell: I'm sorry

Lee: SQUIRRLES ATTACK!

Kell: RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES


	4. undying love and phone cords

Its short again but I guess you people will have to deal with it!

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After running all over Konoha again they finally found Sakura having dinner and flirting with Sasuke in a restaurant not far from the noodle shop that they ate at.

"We ran all over the town for nothing, man you are stupid!" Naruto exclaimed as they walked inside.

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"So Sasuke what are you doing on Saturday?" Sakura asked "Umm I'm probably gonna go train a little….. maybe drown Naruto… but I'm definitely not going out with you."

"Why wont you go out with me!" she yelled. "Because you're a hot head, a waste of time, and I hate the color pink" he said as Lee rushed up.

"Sakura I've been meaning to do this for a long time" he said taking her hand and kneeling on the floor "I love you. I love you with all my heart. I will always love you despite your bad taste in men, and your hideous hair. Sakura I will wait as long as you're alive. I will wait for you to come to me because you are the love of my life and I will love you forever." and with that he kissed her hand and promptly got slapped in the face.

"OMG! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY LEE!" Gai yelled. "Hmmm that voice sounds familiar...Are you my conscience?"" lee said as Gai picked him up off the ground bridal style.

"Lee what the heck happened to you… you're like ….stupid" "I don't know" lee said **snapping back to normal. **

_"Hmm I thought these were supposed to last for 24 hours I guess it depends_**" **Naruto thought to himself

Gai put Lee down in an empty booth. "All I remember is I was at the ramen shop and then now I'm here….and my face and my head hurt real badly." Lee said as Sakura walked up "YOU DISGUST ME SO BADLY ROCK LEE I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN!" she screamed. "What was that all about" lee asked confused "Don't ask"

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"_Hmm I only have 6 pills left so I better use them wisely... but I don't think any one could top lee's performance."_ he thought to himself as he climbed into bed after walking home. _"Well tomorrows another day."_ he turned off the light and fell asleep.

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A/n Ummmm I dont know where to go from here so if you guys could help me it would be greatly appericiated!

Also I'm having a poll on who to do next Kiba, Gai, or Kakashi.

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Sakura: I HATE YOU SO MUCH! 

Kell: I know everybody does...

Sakura: I mean what girl does not like the color pink!

Kell: I dont AND I'M PROUND OF IT!

Sakura : I HATE YOU MORE THAN INO!

Kell: I HATE YOU MORE THAN...THAN... THAT CORD ON THE PHONE THAT TRIES TO DECAPITATE YOU WHEN YOUR TALKING TO SOMEONE!

Sakura: THEN WHY DONT YOU GET A CORDLESS PHONE!

Kell: BECAUSE I DONT FEEL LIKE IT!

_**catfight**_

Sasuke: Hey Lee hand me some of that popcorn

Lee: Sure thing...


	5. Kakashi and the milk

**Disclaimer**: I do not own Disney's Hook from which I took some lines cuz they just seemed to fit

**_bold italics _**are actions

_regualr italics_ are thoughts

Okay here goes nothing…..

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After thinking all night (well more like all morning) Naruto decided that Kakashi was to be his next victim. Why well because Kakashi sensei was always making them wait with his lateness and he was always reading his perverted books when he should have been concentrating on teaching. I mean he is a sensei for goodness sake………. 

And he lives right down the street….

But Kakashi sensei sadly is smarter than Lee so he probably won't fall for the pill in the tea thing so Naruto was stumped. Suddenly the doorbell rang

"Coming" he said as he got out of bed walking to the door in his cute Froggy pajamas. "Hi Naruto" the milk man said dropping off Naruto's milk. "I think I've just had an apostrophe" Naruto yelled grabbing the milk "umm I think I you mean epiphany""Lightning has just struck my brain" Naruto yelled running inside.

"Ouch that must have hurt" said the milk man as he went on his way.

What is Naruto going to do with his milk? How is he going to make Kakashi Stupid? Stay tuned and the answers will be revealed……..

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Kell: **_Shakes Computer_** MORE! I need answers. Answers! ANSWERS! Curse the author that wrote this story….. 

Gaara: but you wrote this story….

Kell: Oh yeah ….hmmm Wait how'd you get in here

Gaara: Oh your dad let me in.

Kell: He did?

Gaara: NO I KILLED HIM! MUWHAWAWAWAW!

Kell: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

And that was my overactive imagination now on with the fan fic. (I actually had a dream like that... it was creepy!)

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Naruto rings Kakashi's doorbell Kakashi sensei opens the door with only his face mask on and happy face boxers (A/n there's a good little image for all you Kakashi lovers) "hello Naruto… ummm why are you here so early in the morning?" "Just dropping off your milk sensei" Naruto said handing him the bottle 

"but I don't drink milk" "Well you should. Why not start now! You know good for healthy bones" Naruto shoved the bottle in Kakashi's hands. "Well I could try it' "You NEVER tried milk before" Naruto yelled. "Nope" "Where DID your childhood go?" "Down the drain just like where this milk is going" Kakashi said walking into his kitchen.

"Why!" Naruto yelled again "#1 because this has the stench of stupidity on it #2 I already got my milk #3 I vowed never to accept milk from anyone but the milk man since that day……" "Since what day?' "Oh never mind" Kakashi said dumping the milk down the drain.

Little did he know that wasn't the milk that Naruto tainted. He took a bottle from his pocket and replaced it with one that was on the counter. "Well" Kakashi said recycling the empty bottle and picking up the bottle Naruto just put down. "Want some un-tainted 2 percent?" "Sure" Naruto said smiling. He had just outsmarted the one of the smartest Jounin in Konoha. Score One for the Orange Jumpsuit guy:

"Drink up" kakashi said downing his glass. _And now the fun begins!_

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A/n And the adventure with Kakashi with continue. NEXT CHAPTER MUWAWAWAWAWWAWAWAWWAWAW! MILK A COOKIES FOR ALL! And a big thanks goes out to all that reveiwed. It was a hard decicion but I decided to go with Kakashi.

Naruto: It wasnt a hard decision you were going to do him...Kelly what are you doing with that frying... **_Whack_**


	6. Eggs and the pillow room

Okay this chap might not be as funny as the other chapters but its kinda hard to live up to Lee's funny... and anyway Iwas really bored and it was really late at night and my mother was watching Project Runnway for some odd reason so...heres the chapter hope you like it...

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Naruto put the glass to his lips and pretended to drink as Kakashi (his back facing Naruto….cuz he took off his mask) took a HUGE swig of his milk.

"That was some gooooood milk…….. Yep that was nice milk ……..I love you milk!" Kakashi said turning around with his MASK OFF!

Naruto Fainted

_

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_OMG HIS SENSEI, THE ONE THAT WAS ALWAYS LATE AND READING PERV BOOKS WAS……………………..GORGEOUS! Wow did he just think his teacher was gorgeous…..?_ (A/n and no I AM NOT making this a yaoi Fanfic and yes I have seen Kakashi without his mask……….. one word Hunk-sickle. AAAAAAAAAAAhhhhh I just said Kakashi was a hunk-sickle … must wash mouth out with soap!)

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"Hey Naruto you like eggs? Kakashi asked Naruto who was trying to stifle his nosebleed. "Yeah why?" "LET"S GO EGG GAI'S HOUSE!" he said running out side with just his happy face boxers and lots of eggs. 

The streets were paved with blood as everybody who saw Kakashi got nosebleeds. Milk came out of Sasuke's nose, Sakura blushed red and thought a very dirty thought, Shino took off his glasses, Lee almost dislocated his jaw and the list goes on…….

When they got to the house Gai had just finished taking a bath_. Wow! I was really dirty_ he thought to himself as the water drained and a ring of black grime was left. He grabbed a towel just as Kakashi and Naruto started throwing the eggs and one of them flew through his bathroom window

_

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_HIT THE DIRT Gai thought to himself as he dived behind his couch and crawled to his door. Kakashi giggled hysterically as a very disgruntled Gai came running out of his house in just a towel. "SOMEONE JUST BOMED MY HOUSE ….I'M ON FIRE! SOMEONE HELP ME! And that's when the guys with the loooooong needles came to put Gai in a pillow room.

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A/n Ahhhh the pillow room (the Idea was courtesy of Take Down)…… I have such fond memories of that place…… Not really… cuz I've never been there… 

Anyway I will be going to Hawaii (I practically live there) in a week so I won't be updating for a while. Though I will have a computer (not mine) so feel free to PM me with ideas CUZ I DESPERATELY NEEEEED THEM! THE FANFIC CAN NOT GO ON WITHOUT YOUR HELP! Anyway….

Gai (behind bullet proof glass): It's actually pretty nice in here…


	7. No pants And Broccoli

I'm BACK! and I wrote chapter 7 WHOOT! and for some reason the ruler things are not working for me so I'm so sorry!

Kakashi and Naruto ran like there was no tomorrow. Where they were going Naruto didn't know because he was just following his sensei. All of a sudden a football came spiraling out of nowhere and struck Kakashi right between the eyes. What came next was what normal people would call a "Domino effect". Kakashi stopped cuz he got hit in the head and Naruto who was following him hit him square in the back and toppled over. "Naruto you okay?" Kakashi said helping him up. "Are you sure you should be asking me that question. You're the one who just got hit with a football!" "I did ……I don't rememb…. OMG! I DON'T HAVE MY MASK ON! OR PANTS!" Kakashi screamed as he vanished_. Well that was fun while it lasted_ Naruto thought to himself.

"Hey Naruto you wanna come to the end of the year pool party the Hyuuga's are throwing? Kiba asked slapping him on the back…. "Yeah…sure" Naruto said grimacing. "Hey do you know if there is some kinda flu going on? Cuz lee and Kakashi are acting weird…" "How should I know?" Naruto said smiling. "Oh well just thought…… Anyways …See you at the pool party!" Kiba said running off. _Oh yes I **will** see you at the pool party Kiba…… _

**A/n** Sorry It's so short! But it the first thing I have written since I got back…. Well anyways …. Read review… and I will try to write faster... Well enjoy my conversations with a psychotic moron. And Yes this was a real conversation…. my life is just oh so very funny isn't it?

**My conversations with my psychotic friend Kyle.**

Today's topic Rock lee

Kelly: Okay Kyle… What are your thoughts about Rock Lee?

Kyle: Well I think Broccoli…. I mean Rock Lee… You know now that I think about it he looks like a piece of broccoli, and his name sounds like a piece of broccoli. You know they should just change his name to Broccoli…. And now that I think about it more maybe he tastes like broccoli… I like broccoli…. I like the texture… I like the…

Kelly: KYLE! We are talking about ROCK LEE not BROCCOLI!

Kyle: BROCCOLI! WHERE!

_**he runs off**_

Kelly: Well… that's about it see you next chapter


	8. Pool PARTY !

_Italics_: thoughts...if you didn't know that by now.

The ruler thingys aren't working...it sucks...

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Naruto was one of the last at the party. His orange swim trunks crinkling as he walked.

"Hey NARUTO!" Kiba yelled from across the pool near the tables with all the food on them. The musiv was pumping so lound and the place was so crouded that he could barley see kiba.

"This place sure is hopping" Naruto said walking over and getting splashed in the process.

"SORRY!" Yelled Chouji as he went back to trying to drown Shikamaru (and was doing a very good job of it) for mocking his table manners.

"So what are we supposed to do?" Naruto asked finally reaching Kiba.

"Umm its apool party what do you think we're supposed to do? Scatch pimples?" Kiba said shaking his head and getting Naruto yet in the process. " You're even stupider than I thought"

_"Well I'm gonna make **you **stupid._ _One way or another your my next victim Kiba. so you better watch your back."_ He thought smirking

"h-h-hi N-Naruto" Hinata said carrying a tray of drinks over to them. "

So Neji's got you working…eh? And where's your swimsuit?" Kiba asked taking the tray from her and placing it on the table behind them.

"I d-don't feel l-like swimming and Neji d-didn't ask I w-wanted t-to." She answered blushing.

"Kiba you thirsty? Naruto asked turning around to take a drink slipping the pill inside.

"Sure" Kiba said as Naruto reached out to hand it to him.

"Oh thanks Naruto" Neji said taking the glass from him

"No Neji… don't…" Naruto said trying to knock the glass out of his hands as Neji put the glass to his lips. He took a big swig. "Hmmm tastes different."

"Hey that was mine you scum ball" Kiba said jokingly.

"Scum ball! Where? IT'S GONNA TOUCH MY HAIR!" Neji said dropping the glass. He put his hands on his head and jumped onto the table knocking all the plates over. "Oh look my hair blows in the wind up herrrrrreeeeeeee!" He said as the light breeze made his hair. ..Well you know blow in the wind…..

"What in the hell happened to Neji? Is He drunk?" Shino asked as Neji started to flap his wings.

"LOOOOKIE I'm A BIRDIE!" He yelled jumping up and down on the table.

"Neji don't do that!" Hinata yelled as they heard cracking.

"EARTHQUAKE!" Neji shouted as he jumped off the table and ran as fast as he could into a wall.

"Whatever it is you better fix him quick!" Kiba said as Hanabi and Hiashi walked out from the house carrying bags of chips.

Naruto gulped. Neji would be in so much trouble if they found him like this…….

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A/n It's not very good I know...I cant write very well today... I tried writing a rough draft for my english essay...it turned out like crud...but I wanted to post this because I'm so busy I'm afraid If I dont post this i wont for another month or two... Well anyways R and R and tell me how bad it sucks...

Kyle: What no me in this chapter?

Kelly: Nope sorry...

Kyle: I feel...so..so... UNLOVED!

_**He runs away crying**_

Lee: Popcorn?

Kelly: Sure!


	9. Gai's house and fish

Disclaimer: I dont own Naruto or Texas Chainsaw Massacer... though its a good movie...

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"We gota get him outa here!" Kiba whispered to Naruto

"Hinata make some excuse any excuse…" Naruto said as he ran over to Neji and grabbed his arm… All of a sudden Kiba hoisted Neji's body over his shoulder as they ran to the fence

"WEEEE pony ride! Pony ride" Neji's shouted with glee as Kiba and Naruto started to sprint where they both had no idea where they were going.

"Shut up Neji if they find you like this Hiashi will think your drunk and trust me he will blow up in your face again…..and that means no dating TenTen and then that means she gets angry and then…" Kiba didn't want to think about an angry TenTen….especially since his apartment happened to be right under hers…

"TenTen…pretty….. " Neji said drooling as Naruto and Kiba stopped in front of none other than Gai sensei's house.

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"We didn't know what to do with him" Kiba said wiping the drool off his back as Neji ran around Gai's kitchen screaming I feel pretty

"Well the first thing I need to ask you guys is WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO HIM!" Gai said as Neji suddenly stopped in front of Gai's empty fish tank

"FISHYS …ooooo look at the pretty fishes go…"

"Umm Neji's the fish tank is empty…"

"NOT ITS NOT!" Neji screamed as he hugged the fish tank….

"As I was saying what the hell happened to him..." Gai said as Naruto looked around sheepishly…

"Naruto I know you have something to do with it… you were so upset when Neji accidentally drank the soda I was supposed to drink and then poof he started acting like this…"He said pointing to Neji who was still hugging the fish tank and singing I feel pretty.

"Well this may seem kinda impossible but…but I found a way to make people stupid …" Naruto said scratching his forehead as Gai and Kiba just stared at him.

"So that's what happened to my lee…"

"Yeah"

"So do you know how to reverse it?" Kiba asked

"Well it's supposed to last for 24 hours …"

"24 HOURS!" Kiba and Gai yelled

"BUT lee got jerked out of it by a slap to the face…and Kakashi got hit in the head with a football so I guess…" Naruto said as Kiba suddenly grabbed a pan off Gai's pot rack and tiptoed over to Neji.

"Come here Neji I have a present for you…" Kiba said raising the pan over his head getting ready to strike.

"TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACER!" Neji yelled as he ran out of the kitchen and out the door.

"GET your but back over here Neji! I'm trying to HELP you!" Kiba said as he ran after him.

"I guess you better go run after them…" Gai said as Naruto looked at the fish tank one last time…

"You know you really should put some fish in there…."

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A/n well here is chapter 9 for those of you people that have been waiting for it...I probably won't update for a looooooooong time... so enjoy while it lasts 


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